SIGN AT WHITEHOUSE:

        "In case of impeachment, do not panic.  Please select target
        from list of unpopular countries."

A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space
for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned
with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space.
Understandably, he shot her dead.

IDIOTS AT WORK

I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the
clerk noticed that I had never signed my name on the back of the
credit card.  She informed me that she could not complete the
transaction unless the card was signed.  When I asked why, she
explained that it was necessary to compare the signature on the
credit card with the signature I just signed on the receipt.
So I signed the credit card in front of her.  She carefully
compared the signature to the one I had just signed on the receipt.
As luck would have it, they matched.