OMNI Magazine Contest



 These are responses to a contest sponsored by OMNI magazine:

 Grand Prize Winner:

 When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet, and
 when toast is dropped, it always lands with the buttered
 side facing down.  I propose to strap buttered toast to the
 back of a cat; the two will hover, spinning inches above
 the ground.  With a giant buttered cat array, a high-speed
 monorail could easily link New York with Chicago.

 Runners-up:

 If an infinite number of rednecks riding in an infinite number
 of pickup trucks fire an infinite number of shotgun rounds
 at an infinite number of highway signs, they will eventually
 produce all the worlds great literary works in Braille.

 Why Yawning Is Contagious:  You yawn to equalize the
 pressure on your eardrums.  This pressure change outside
 your eardrums unbalances other people's ear pressures, so
 they must yawn to even it out.

 Communist China is technologically underdeveloped
 because they have no alphabet and therefore cannot use
 acronyms to communicate ideas at a faster rate.

 The earth may spin faster on its axis due to deforestation.
 Just as a figure skater's rate of spin increases when the
 arms are brought in close to the body, the cutting of tall
 trees may cause our planet to spin dangerously fast.

 Honorable Mentions:

 Birds take off at sunrise.  On the opposite side of the
 world, they are landing at sunset.  This causes the earth to
 spin on its axis.

 The reason hot-rod owners raise the backs of their cars is
 that it's easier to go faster when you're always going
 downhill.

 The quantity of consonants in the English language is
 constant.  If omitted in one place, they turn up in another.
 When a Bostonian "pahks" his "cah," the lost r's migrate
 southwest, causing a Texan to "warsh" his car and invest in
 "erl wells."

My brother John has a best friend also named John
who went to the same school as him.  One day after
school they both got a ride home from a friends mom.
As they got in the car, she asked them both their
names.  They both said John (as it was thier names)
to which she replied "Oh! Are you brothers?"

Sent by Sho

One of the most effective ways of sharing the feeling of God's daily
presence with the family is to have the children ask the blessing for
the evening meal.  But, of course, many families don't have this custom,
which accounts for the puzzlement of a little boy who went to dinner
with his parents at the home of a very elderly gentleman.  After
watching the old man bow his head and speak in hushed tones, the boy
asked his mother, "What did Mr. Bryan say to his plate?"

from "Faith, Hope and Hilarity:  The Child's Eye View
of Religion" by Dick Van Dyke