"Oh no! I can't go to the deli! My singles cover has lapsed!"
                        -- Lyndall Holmes

"Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain." 

                                            - Lily Tomlin

Teenaged girls use make-up to feel older sooner.
Their mothers use make-up to feel younger longer.

"I drool on the inside."
"Then why haven't you drowned?"
                        -- Garth, me

"How tall are you?" 

"Six foot seven."

"Let's forget about the six feet and talk about the seven inches." 

- Mae West