When I'm good, I'm very good. But when I'm bad I'm better.

                                       - Mae West

"The day I worry about cleaning my house is the day Sears
comes out with a riding vacuum cleaner."

                                       - Roseanne

The plane was so fast that it took off from Los Angeles with
two rabbits and landed in New York with two rabbits. 

     -Joey Adams 

"Start every day off with a smile and get it over with." -- W. C.
       Fields (1880-1946)

Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and
oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital
ingredient in beer. 

     - Dave Barry