There was a young fellow named Sweeney 
               Whose girl was a terrible meanie. 
                    The hatch of her snatch 
                    Had a catch that would latch--- 
               She could only be screwed by Houdini. 

There was a young man named McNamiter 
               With a tool of prodigious diameter. 
                    But it wasn't the size 
                    Gave the girls a surprise, 
               But his rhythm---iambic pentameter. 

                              A chap down in Oklahoma 
                              Had a cock that could sing La Paloma, 
                                        But the sweetness of pitch 
                                        Couldn't put off the hitch 
                              Of impotence, size and aroma. 

               There was an old soldier named Schmitt 
               Took a trip to the can for to shit. 
                    To his epic despair 
                    No paper was there. 
               So he simply continued to sit. 

There was a young lady from Brewster
Who's ass was so nice that I goosed her,
        But her panties were thin
        And my finger slipped in
And it still just don't smell like it used ter.