Politically Correct Feminine Terminology
     
   
from aperreat@saunix.sau.edu:

        Have you ever wanted to talk about a girl but was afraid that you
would offend the person standing near you?...NOT.   Well, if you are, then
here are some alternatives to some popular phrases.

I found them on a poster, but I don't remember which one.

She is not:                     An airhead
She is:                         Reality Impaired

She is not:                     A Bleached Blond
She is:                         Peroxide Dependant

She is not:                     A babe or chick
She is:                         A Breasted American

She does not have:              Major league hooters
She is:                         Pectorally Superior

She does not have:              A Great Tan
She is:                         Pigmentally Enhanced

You do not want to:             Score or pick her up
You want to:                    Attempt a Horizontal Encounter

She is not:                     A perfect 10
She is:                         Numerically Superior

She does not have:              A great butt
She has:                        A Superior Posterior

If she does not want to get:    Married or hitched
She does not want:              Domestic Incarceration

She is not:                     Half naked
She is:                         Wardrobe Impaired

She does not have:              A perfect body
She is:                         Anatomically Gifted

She is not:                     Drunk or tipsy
She is:                         Chemically Inconvenienced

She is not:                     Small or short
She is:                         Vertically Challenged
  

This preacher was looking for a good used lawnmower one day. He found one
at a yard sale that Little Johnny happened to be manning.
"This mower work, son?" the preacher asked.
Little Johnny said, "Sure does -- just pull on the cord hard, though."
The preacher took the mower home and when he got ready to mow he yanked 
and pulled and tugged on that cord. Nothing worked. It wouldn't start.
Thinking he'd been swindled, he took the mower back to Little Johnny's
house. "You said this would work if I pulled on the cord hard enough."
"Well," Johnny said, "you need to curse at it sometimes."
The preacher was aghast. "I've not done that in years!"
"Just keep yanking on that cord, Preacher. It'll come back to you."

Did you know that a man is made up of many useless things?

He has an Adam's apple that isn't an apple
Two calves that will never become cows
A nose bridge that doesn't lead anywhere
A roof of the mouth that won't cover anything
Twenty nails that won't hold a board
A chest that won't hold linen
Two boobs that won't give milk
Two buns that won't feed anyone
A belly button that won't button
Two balls that won't roll
An ass that won't pull a plow
An organ that won't play music
A cock that won't crow

Don was looking for a little "action."  He picked up a sweet young thang 
at the bar and took her back to his hotel room. 
Little did he know she was damn near a nymphomaniac. 
After six times, she was screaming for more.  After the *eighth* time, Don 
told her that he needed to slip out for a pack of cigarettes.
On the way out, he stopped in the men's room. He stood in front of the 
urinal, unzipped, and felt a moment of panic when he couldn't find his 
dick.  After a couple of minutes of "fishing around," he finally said, 
"Look, it's ok.  She's not here!"

Two blondes were walking down the street. One noticed a 
compact on the sidewalk and leaned down to pick it up. She 
opened it, looked in the mirror, and said, "Hmmm, this person 
looks familiar."

"Let me look." said the other one. So she handed her the compact.

The second blonde looked in the mirror then turned to the first one.
"You dumbass -- that's ME!