An anxious woman goes to her doctor.  "Doctor," she asks nervously, "can
you get pregnant from anal intercourse?"

"Certainly," replies the doctor, "Where do you think lawyers come from?"

A very homely young woman made an appointment with a psychiatrist.
She walked into his office and said, "Doctor, I'm so depressed and lonely.
I don't have any friends, no man will come near me, and everybody laughs 
at me.
Can you help me accept my ugliness?"
"I'm sure I can," the psychiatrist replied. "Just go over and lie face 
down on that couch."

On the beach, how can you recognize a guy who uses an
inflatable sex doll?
Instead of staring at the bikinis, he's staring at the beach balls.

A British Army colonel was reviewing the troops in colonial India.
One man he passed sported an enormous erection.
"Sergeant-Major!" the colonel shouted."Give this man 30 days
compassionate home leave."
"Yessir," the Sgt. Major replied.
A few months later the same thing occurred with the same man.
"Sergeant-Major! Give this man another 30 days
compassionate home leave," the Colonel barked.
A few months later, same guy, same problem.
The Colonel is angry. "Sergeant-Major! Haven't we given this
man two compassionate home leaves?"
"Yessir," the Sgt. Major replies.
"Then what's his problem, Sgt. Major?" the Colonel asks.
The Sgt. Major salutes and says, "Sir. It's you he's fond of."

How do you make a cat drink?

1 cat
2 lemons
Vodka
Mix then serve