There's these four Irishmen in a bar, all drinking Guinness. One of them 
is looking rather puzzled, so another turns to him and asks him what's the 
matter.

1st Irishman: Well, I was just trying to remember what 2 plus 2 is.
2nd Irishman: Oh, that's easy, it's 147.
1st Irishman: No no no, that can't be right. How about you, Fergus, do you
              know what 2 plus 2 is?
3rd Irishman: Hmmm ... could it be Wednesday, perhaps?
1st Irishman: No no no, that doesn't sound right either. How about you               
Pat, do you know?
4th Irishman: Simple, the answer is 4.
1st Irishman: Of course! How did you work it out?!
4th Irishman: Aha, that's where brains come in! I subtracted 147 from
              Wednesday!

Q: How do you know when you've satisfied a redhead?

A: She unties you. 

An eminent teacher and thinker once expressed his philosophy of life 
succinctly. "When it all boiled down to the essence of truth," the 
philosopher said, "one just live by a dog’s rule of life: If you can’t eat 
it or fuck it, piss on it!!!"

The CIA was recruiting for a top secret assignment. They were
down to three recruits, two men and one woman. Only one could
get the position. As a final test each recruit was led down a
hallway to a large gray door. The CIA agents say to the first
man, "We need to know that you will do whatever we say
regardless of the circumstances. Take this gun, go into this
room and kill your wife". A look of shock comes over the man's
face. He says, "I can't kill my wife. I just can't do it. I
guess I'm not the man for this job". "No, you're not", agree
the agents, "You're free to go". 

They bring the second man to the door and say, "We need to know
that you will do whatever we say regardless of the circumstances.
Take this gun, go into this room and kill your wife". The man
takes the gun and goes into the room. The room is silent and
after five minutes the man opens the door, tears streaming down
his face. "I tried," he says, "but I just couldn't do it. I can't
kill my wife". The agents let him leave. 

They bring the woman to the door and say, "We need to know that
you will do whatever we say regardless of the circumstances. Take
this gun, go into this room and kill your husband". She takes the
gun and before the door closes behind her, she shoots off all 13
rounds emptying the gun. The door closes behind her and for the
next five minutes the agents hear loud banging and grunting. The
door finally opens, revealing the sweat-drenched woman. She looks
at both agents, wipes her brow and says, "Whew! You guys didn't
tell me that the gun was filled with blanks - I had to beat him to
death with the chair!" 

A cleaning woman was applying for a new position. When asked
why had she left her previous employment, she replied, "Yes,
sir, they paid good wages, but it was the most ridiculous
place I ever worked. Last night they played a game called
Bridge and a lot of folks were there. As I was about to
bring in the refreshments, I heard a man say, "Lay down and
let's see what you've got." Another man said, "I've got
strength but no length."  Another man says to the lady,
"Take your hand off my trick!"
"I pretty dropped dead just then, when the lady answered,
"You jumped me twice when you didn't have the strength for
one raise." Another lady was talking about protecting her
honor. Another lady said, "Now it's time for me to play with
your husband and you can play with mine."
"Well, I just got my hat and coat and as I was leaving, I
hope to die if one of them didn't say, "Well, I guess we'll
go home now. This is the last rubber"