A police officer arrives at an accident scene where
apparently three blondes have leaped to their death
from a very tall building... he suddenly notices that
one is still breathing so he approaches her and asks:
"why the hell did you three beautiful girls leap out
of that building?"
The blond answers in a very weak voice: "we wanted to
try out our new maxi-pads with wings"...

Two gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor and 
a young trainee, were out checking meters in a suburban 
neighborhood. They parked their truck the end of the alley and 
worked their way to the other end. 

At the last house a woman looking out her kitchen window 
watched the two men as they checked her gas meter.

Finishing the meter check, the senior supervisor challenged his 
younger coworker to a foot race down the alley back to the 
truck to prove that an older guy could outrun a younger one.

As they came running up to the truck, they realized the lady 
from that last house was huffing and puffing right behind them. 
They stopped and asked her what was wrong.

Gasping for breath, she replied, "When I see two gas men 
running as hard as you two were, I figured I'd better run too!"

There were two bulls, a young one named George and an old one named Sam.
It was that time of year to satisfy the local female population, and
young George was pretty excited.
"Sam, Sam, can I go down to those heifers over there?" asked George.
"George, relax. Here is how it works. We'll wait until they're lined up
at the feed trough so we can have our way with the ladies in a nice
orderly fashion." said Sam.
"Okay, I can do that." George answered. 
Well, feeding time came and all the heifers were lined up just like Sam
said and George was all excited to go down there, but Sam had a few more
instructions.
"Now George, here is how this is gonna work. I'll start at one end and
you can start at the other. We'll meet in the middle" said Sam.
"OK, OK, let's go!" said George.
"Hang on George!. One more important thing to remember. These gals will
let us have our way but you have to show some respect and be polite. OK?"
said Sam.
"Sure" says George.
Well, they go on down to the heifers all lined up. George starts at one
end and Sam at the other. George is pretty excited, but he remember's Sam's
instructions about being polite, so as he is going along he makes sure to
say - "Thank you ma'am, thank you ma'am, thank you ma'am, thank you ma'am,
thank you ma'am, sorry Sam, thank you ma'am."

A woman gives birth to twins, a girl and a boy.
Her husband isn't there, and she doesn't want
to name them without him seeing them first. But
the hospital insists that the babies must be
named by the end of the day. Crazy Uncle Louie
overhears this and he names them (unbeknowst to
the couple). Later the husband arrives, and the
happy couple are set to name the babies when a
nurse informs them that Uncle Louie already took
care of that. "Oh no!" they cry. "He's crazy and
doesn't know what he's doing. What names did he
pick?" The nurse says, "Well, he named the girl
Deniece." "Whew, not bad. In fact, that's nice.
And how about the boy?" "Denephew." 

Here's a sad one...

Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a poodle? 

A: A dead poodle with an 18 inch asshole.