What has two legs and bleeds? 

     Half a dog. 

Mary Jane was walking on the beach one day and saw a shark swimming around 
a man. The man was screaming, "Help me! Help me!"
Mary Jane laughed and laughed! She knew that the shark was never going to
help that man!

Getting anything done around here is like mating elephants.
It's done on a very high level.
There's a lot of stomping and screaming involved.
And it takes two years to get any results.

Q. Why is psycho- analysis so much easier for men rather
than women? 
A. Because when it comes time to revert to childhood, men
are already there.

The organization is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different
limbs at different levels. Some monkeys are climbing up, some down.
The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces.
The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but assholes.