"ALCOHOL KILLS SLOWLY"
So what ? Who's in a hurry ?

How many gay men does it take to put in a light bulb?
Only one...but it takes an entire Emergency Room to get it out.

A man sat quietly reading his morning paper one Sunday morning. Suddenly,
he is knocked almost senseless by his wife, who stands behind him holding
a frying pan in hand.
Man:  "What was that for?"
Wife: "Why do you have a piece of paper in your pocket with "Daisy" 
written on it?"
Man:  "Oh honey, don't you remember two weeks ago when I went to the horse
races? Marylou was the name of the horse I bet on."
The wife was satisfied, and appologized for bonking him.
Three days later he is again sitting reading the paper when once again
he is bonked on the head.
Man:  "What's that for this time?"
Wife: "Your horse called."

Q: Why do women have arms?
A: Have you any idea how long it would
   take to LICK a bathroom clean? 

An elderly couple, living apart, had been dating
for several years. One day Elmer said to Betsy,
"We should stop this nonsense. We are paying two
rents, two car insurance payments, buying separate
food and cooking separate meals. We should just
move in together. 

Betsy: Whose house would we live in? 
Elmer: Mine, it is already paid for. 
Betsy: Whose car would we keep and pay insurance on? 
Elmer: Yours, it is newer and runs better than mine. 
Betsy: Who would do the cooking? 
Elmer: You cook and I'll do the dishes. 
Betsy: What about sex? 
Elmer: Infrequently. 
Betsy: Is that one word or two?