A man walked into the clubhouse and noticed a friend sitting in a corner 
wearing a neck brace.
He sat down and asked his mate what happened.
"Well, I was playing golf and I hit my ball into the rough," replied his 
friend.
"Then I met a chick who was looking for her ball too. Finding mine, I 
thought I'd give her a hand. There was a cow nearby and I noticed that 
every time the cow twitched its tail there was a flash of white. So I went 
over to it and lifted its tail and sure enough there was the ball. I 
called out to the chick and said, 'Lady, does this look like yours?' And 
the bitch hit me in the neck with her driver!"

Q: Where do you find 60 million french jokes?
A: In France.

Did you hear that all the toilets at the police station were stolen? 

Yeah...the cops got nothing to go on.

There was a farmer, sitting on the front porch of his house this one hot
summer day, when this kid comes walking down the road carrying a big
bundle of wire.
"Hey kid!" the farmer says. "Where ya goin' with that wire?"
"Well," the kid drawls, "this here ain't just any ol' wire, this here's
chicken wire -- I'm fixin' to catch me some chickens!"
"You can't catch chickens with chicken wire!"
"Sure I can!" the kid says, and takes off down the road. He comes back at
the end of the day and sure enough, he's got a whole mess of chickens
caught in his chicken wire. 
Well, the farmer's sitting on his porch the next day, and the same kid
comes walking down the lane, carrying a big roll of tape. 
"Hey kid!" the farmer yells. "Where ya goin' with that tape?" "Well, this
here ain't just any ol' tape, this here's duck tape -- I'm fixin' to catch
me some ducks!"
"You can't catch ducks with duck tape!" the farmer yells back. "Sure I
can!" the kid says, and takes off down the road. He comes back at the end
of the day and again, the farmer can't believe his eyes. The kid had a
whole bunch of ducks all wrapped up tightly in his tape. 
The next day the farmer's sitting on his porch again, and the kid comes
walking down the road carrying a stick. 
"Hey kid!" the farmer says. "Where ya goin' with that stick?"
"Well, this here ain't just any old stick, this here's pussy willow."

"Hang on," the farmer says, "I'll get my hat." 

This guy wants to be a proctologist, and he wants to be a really good 
proctologist, so he decides to go down to the morgue after class and 
practice a little. Well, he uncovers the first guy and there is a cork
in his butt! He thinks it's a little strange, so he pulls it and music 
starts playing!
". . . On the road again, just can't wait to get on the road again...". 
The guy really freaks out! He runs and gets the M.A. and drags the poor 
guy back to the table. "Look!" he says, and pulls the cork out again,
". . . On the road again . . ."
The M.A. is totally unimpressed..."So what?" he says. "Isn't that the
most amazing thing you've ever seen?", the guy asked.
"Are you kidding?" says the M.A. "Any asshole can sing country music!"