Q: How do you embarrass an archeologist?

A: Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from. 

One of Sigmund Freud's early patients rushed out into an 
Austrian afternoon on her way to meet her best friend at a 
coffee house. 
Over Cappuccino and Viennese pastries, she suddenly burst 
out crying.
Her friend begged her to share what was wrong.
"Oh, it's just terrible," she wailed. "Today the doctor told me 
I'm in love with my father, and. . .and. . .and you know, he's a 
married man!"

   A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub.
   
   She gestures alluringly to the barman who comes over immediately.
   
   When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face
   close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard
   which is full and bushy.
   
   "Are you the landlord?" she asks, softly stroking his face with both
   hands.
   
   "Actually, no" he replies.
   
   "Can you get him for me - I need to speak to him?" she asks, running
   her hands up beyond his beard and into his hair.
   
   "I'm afraid I can't," breathes the barman, clearly aroused.
   
   "Is there anything I can do?"
   
   "Yes there is. I need you to give him a message," she continues
   huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him
   to suck them gently.
   
   "Tell him that there is no toilet paper in the ladies room."
   

This guy's in the rear of a full elevator and he shouts, "Ballroom
please." A lady standing in front of him turns around and says, 
"I'm sorry, I didn't realize I was crowding you."

Hillary and Chelsea were having a deep dish heart
to heart talk about Chelsea's college experiences. 

Hillary:  So have you found dating to be fullflling
          experience? 

Chelsea:  It's okay..but i don't like how the boys
          sometimes act like real sex hounds. 

Hillary:  Well, uh, have you, uh, actually had sex? 

Chelsea:  Well Mom, no, not IF you define sex the
          way Daddy does.