Overheard
"She's the kind of girl you'd like to bring home to mother - If
you could trust your father."

A friend told me "I can understand why men don't like vasectomies.
My uncle got a vasectomy, and paid for it with MasterCard. He
forgot to pay the bill, and the finance company came over to his
house and knocked up my aunt."

Sign in a Bucharest hotel lobby: 

    The lift is being fixed for the next day.
    During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.