"I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets." 

     - Dave Edison 

"High heels will make your legs look more elegant.
Now, how can you shave them without my wife finding out?" 

- Dave Henry 

The 100% American is 99% idiot.
                               
     - - - George Bernard Shaw

If you die on an elevator, be sure to press the UP button. 

Try calling up strangers in the phone book and forgiving them.
Not only will it loosen you up for the crucial real thing, the
strangers will feel better. Everyone likes to know they're forgiven. 

    - Rich Hall