What's another word for Thesaurus? 

     - Steve Wright 

I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer
       god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other
       possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours. --Stephen
       F Roberts

"As you requested, here is a schedule of all future unplanned network outages.
 I took the initiative to include a schedule of all future sick days, volcanic
 eruptions, earthquakes and hurricanes."
                        -- Dilbert

The Clairvoyant Society has cancelled today's meeting due
to unforeseen circumstances. 

Only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy.
One is to let her think she is having her own way, and
the other is to let her have it. 

     - Lyndon B. Johnson