Two guys are walking down the street and see a dog on the lawn,
   licking his balls.
   
   One guy says to the other, " Man, I sure wish I could do that".
   
   The other guy says, " Don't you think you ought to pet him first?"
   

Man to a woman: Do you know the difference between a blowjob 

and a cheeseburger is?

Woman: No

Man: Lets have lunch sometime...

Sent by jim

Three Irishmen, Paddy, Sean and Shamus, were stumbling home from the pub 
late one night and found themselves on the road which led past the old 
graveyard.
"Come have a look over here," says Paddy, "it's Michael O'Grady's grave, 
God bless his soul. He lived to the ripe old age of 87."
"That's nothing", says Sean, "here's one named Patrick O'Tool, it says 
here that he was 95 when he died."
Just then, Shamus yells out, "Good God, here's a fella that got to be 145 
years old!"
"What was his name?" asks Paddy.
Shamus stumbles around a bit, awkwardly lights a match to see what else is 
written on the stone marker, and exclaims, "Miles, from Dublin."

Messy desk. Top management can get away with a clean
desk. For the rest of us, it looks like you're not working
hard enough. Build huge piles of documents around your
workspace. To the observer, last year's work looks the same
as today's work; it's volume that counts. Pile them high and
wide. If you know somebody is coming to your cubicle, bury
the document you'll need halfway down in an existing stack
and rummage for it when he/she arrives.

In a recent scientific research project, it was proved
that Beer contains the female hormone oestrogen.
That's why after a six pack you can't drive.