Mrs. Schmidlap hires a maid with beautiful blonde hair.  The 
first morning, the girl pulls off the hair and says, "I wear a wig, 
because I was born totally hairless. Not a hair on my body, not 
even down there." 

That night, Mrs. Schmidlap tells her husband.  He says, "I've 
never seen anything like that.  Please tomorrow, ask her to go
into the bedroom and show you.  I want to hide in the closet so 
I can have a look."  

The next day, Mrs. Schmidlap asks the girl, the two of them go 
into the bedroom, and the girl strips and shows her.
Then the girl says, "I've never seen one with hair on it.  Can I 
see yours?"

So Mrs. Schmidlap pulls off her clothes and shows her.  That 
night, Mrs. Schmidlap says to her husband, "I hope you're  
satisfied, because I was pretty embarrassed when that girl 
asked to see mine." 

Her husband says, "You think you were embarrassed...I had 
the four guys I play poker with in the closet with me." 

How do you scare a man? 

     Sneak up behind him and start throwing rice. 

Visiting the modern art museum, a lady turned
to an attendant standing nearby.
"This," she said, "I suppose, is one of those
hideous representations you call modern art?"
"No, madam," replied the attendant. "That one's called a mirror."

Age        DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE
        17         "Burger King"
        25         "Free meal"
        35         "A diamond"
        48         "A bigger diamond"
        66         "Home Alone"

Feminist's Fairytale!!
   Once upon a time, a beautiful, independent, self assured princess
   happened upon a frog in a pond.
   The frog said to the princess, "I was once a handsome prince until an
   evil witch put a spell on me. One kiss from you and will turn back
   into a prince and then we can marry, move into the castle with my mom
   and you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children and
   forever feel happy doing so."
   That night, while the princess dined on frog legs, she kept laughing
   and saying, "I don't think so."