A drunk goes into a bar sits down and says hey hey bartender can we
   talk about politics
   The bartender says ģIF THERE IS ONE THING WE DON'T TALK ABOUT IN HERE
   IT'S POLITICSī. A little while later hey bartender can we talk about
   religon. Again the
   bartender says" IF THERE'S ONE THING WE DON'T TALK ABOUT IN HERE IT'S
   RELIGON". Then again we hear hey bartender can we talk about sex. The
   bartender says
   SURE. The drunk says good............fuck you!
   

She: "Do you think of me when you're away darling?"

He: "Yes honey, I always bare you in mind." 

What does an elephant keep up its trunk?

A Yard 'n' half o' snot!

What's a famous saying at a gay bar? 
May I push in your stool.

Sent by Jeff

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?

After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.