Father Goose Story No. 5

There was a russian man named rudolph, a high ranking member of the KGB.
one evening rudolph and his wife, helga,  were walking along, and it
begins to snow.  "my, my, look at the lovely snow," said helga.
"no, that is not snow, that is rain!" replied rudolph.
"no, no, no, this is snow," she said.
"look, there is a palace guard, we will ask him."
rudolph went to the palace gaurd and said "is it raining or snowing?"
the gaurd was no dummy, so he said "what do YOU think it is doing, rudolph?"
rudolph replied, "raining."
and the gaurd said "yes comrade,i was going to say raining, also!"

so rudolph and helga went walking off.  the gaurd could just barely hear
the KGB official say:
        
        "RUDOLPH, THE RED, KNOWS RAIN, DEAR"

The Lone Ranger and Tonto are riding through one of the many
canyons when suddenly rising from the hill on their right are hundreds of
indians. They start to spur their horse forward when they realised that there
are hundreds of indians ahead of them.  Wheeling to the left they, once
again, see hundreds of indians rising from the hill.  They begin to back away
in the direction from which they had come and they realise, they were
surrounded.  The indians had spread out.  They were trapped.  

The Lone Ranger turns to Tonto, his life long friend, and says "Tonto,
my firend, I think I must say that I have treasured our times together
but now I think we are doomed".

" We?" replied Tonto "What's all this we, Paleface?"

Joe the lawyer died suddenly, at the age of 45. He got to the gates
of Heaven, and the angel standing there said, "We've been waiting a
long time for you."
"What do you mean," he replied, "I'm only 45, in the prime of my life.
Why did I have to die now?"
"45? You're not 45, you're 82," replied the angel.
"Wait a minute. If you think I'm 82 then you have the wrong guy.
I'm only 45. I can show you my birth certificate."
"Hold on. Let me go check," said the angel and disspeared inside. After
a few minutes the angel returned. "Sorry, but by our records you are 82.
I checked all the hours you have billed your clients, and you have to be 82..." 

   Mr. Schneider stood up in court. "As God is my judge, I do not owe my
   ex-wife any money."
   
   Glaring down at him, the judge replied, "He's not.  I am.  You do."

Q: What's the difference between men and pigs?
A: Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.