A Blind Mans Sport
   A blind man was describing his favorite sport, parachuting.
   When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all
   done for him:
   "I am placed in the door and told when to jump"
   "My hand is placed on my release ring for me, and out I go"
   "But how do you know when you are going to land?" he was asked.
   "I have a very keen sense of smell and I can smell the trees and grass
   when I am 300 feet from the ground" he answered.
   "But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on
   the ground?" he was again asked.
   He quickly answered "Oh, the dog's leash goes slack".

Kid: Teacher can I go to the bathroom?
Teacher: You have to say your ABC's first
Kid: Ok,
a,b,c,d,e,f,g,h,i,j,k,l,m,n,o,q,r,s,t,u, v,w.x.y, and z
Teacher: Where's the p?
Kid: It's running down my leg!!

Sent by Jenna

How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Four. Actually, only one to screw it in.
The other 3 are there to listen to him
brag about the screwing part! 

Tourist guide at zoo: "Ladies and gentlemen, this is the elephant, the
largest animal to roam the lands.  Every day the elephant eats 3 dozen 
bunches of bananas, 6 tons of hay, and 2000 pounds of assorted fruits.  
Madam, please don't stand near the elephant's backside.... Madam, PLEASE 
don't stand near the elephant's backside ... MADAM ... MADAM ..., too 
late;  George, dig her out."

What's the difference between women and men? 

     One has morning sickness, the other has morning stiffness.