Friend: Vern, are you going to take your wife Alice on your next cruise?
Vern: Yes, indeed. I just can't leave her behind alone. 

A shapely lady in a bikini walked into the ocean to take a swim. A
large wave came up and washed over her, tearing off her bikini top.
She came out of the surf with her arms folded across her chest.
Little Johnny, playing in the sand looked up at her and said,
"Lady, if you're going to drown those puppies, I'll take the one with
the brown nose."

Did you hear Lassie had a son with a Rottweiler?

It rips off your arm, then runs for help.

If a man is bald at the front, he is a thinker.
If he is bald at the back, he is sexy.
If he is bald from front to back - he thinks he is sexy.

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked,
doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted,
musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed,
tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?