It has been determined that having sex before participating
in athletic activity, such as a marathon race, does not
impair the athlete's performance. In fact, men have known
and displayed this for centuries. After sex, they glance
at their watches and say, "Oops, gotta run!"

Here's a gross one:


What's the similarity between Michael Jackson and McDonalds?

They both stick their beef between 9 year old buns.

How do you know Monica Lewinsky is Jewish?
If she wasn't,she wouldn't have stained her dress.

A gent spots a nice looking gal in a bar goes up
and starts small talk. Seeing that she didn't back
off, he asked her name. "Carmen," she replied.
"That's a nice name," he said warming up the conversation,   
"Who named you,your mother?"
"No, I named myself, she answered.
"Oh, that's interesting, why Carmen?"
"Because I like cars, and I like men,"
she said looking directly into his eyes.
"What's your name?"
"Beerfuck."

Sent by Ron

   A Kentucky family took a vacation to New York City. For an adventure,
   the father took his son to see a skyscraper. They were amazed by
   everything they saw -- especially the elevator at one end of the
   lobby.
   
   The boy asked, "What's that there, Paw?"
   
   The father responded, "Well, Son, I reckon I never did see nothing
   like this in my entire life. I got no derned idea what it is!"
   
   While the boy and his father were watching in wide-eyed astonishment,
   an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed
   a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a
   small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small
   circles of lights above the walls light up. They continued to watch
   the circles light up in the reverse direction. The walls opened again,
   and a voluptuous 24-year-old woman stepped out.
   
   The father turned to his son and said, "Go git your Maw."