How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

How many can you afford? 

When the staff goes out after work, they talk about football or basketball.
When Middle management gets together, they talk about tennis or baseball.
Top management discusses golf.
Conclusion: The higher up you are in management, the smaller your balls are.

This older Jewish man was on the operating table awaiting surgery and 
he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation. 
As he was about to receive the anesthesia he asked to speak to his son. 
"Yes Dad, what is it?"
"Don't be nervous, son, do your best and just remember, if it doesn't
go well, if something happens to me ... your mother is going to come
and live with you and your wife...."

Boyfriend: Do you smoke after sex?

Girlfriend: Dunno, I've never looked 

Bumper sticker seen in Cambridge, Mass: "Re-elect President Gore in
   2000"