One night a man heard howls coming from his basement and went down to
   discover a
   female cat being raped by a mouse. Fascinated by what he saw, the man
   gained the
   mouse's confidence with some cheese and then took him next door. The
   mouse repeated
   his amazing performance by raping a German Sheppard. The man, very
   excited by this,
   was dying to show someone his discovery. He rushed home and woke up
   his wife but
   before he could explain, she saw the mouse, screamed, and covered her
   head with the
   blanket. "Don't be afraid, darling," said the man. "Wait until I tell
   you about this."
   "Get out of here!" cried his wife. "And take that sex maniac with
   you!"
   

Why can't Miss Piggy count to 70? 

     - Because she gets a frog stuck in her throat at 69. 

What does a woman do to her asshole in the morning? 

    -Sends him to work.

Did you hear the joke about the football game with the 0-0 score?

Never mind it's pointless. 

What is the worst thing about our justice system? 
You're leaving your fate in the hands of 12 people who
weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty!