Recently I answered the phone and it was a sales person
from a long distance company. They asked for my late father
by name.
"I'm sorry," I answered, "but he's dead."
Their reply, "May I leave a number in case the situation
changes?" 

When my husband and I were living in Memphis we ordered Duck
Breast from the local 5 star restaurant.  I like my duck
cooked rare, so I inquired, 'would that be rare duck?' The
waiter replied, 'No, it's just a regular  old duck -- local,
I think.'

Before we were married Wife used to always say, "You're only 
interested in one thing." Trouble is now though, after 36 years, 
I've forgotten what the hell it was.