An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered
his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which
required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers
exited, give a smile, and a "Thanks for flying XYZ airline."  He said
that in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the
passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart 
comment.
Finally everyone had gotten off except for this little old lady walking
with a cane. She said, "Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?" "Why no
Ma'am," said the pilot, "What is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we
land or were we shot down?"

My neighbor works in the operations department in the
central office of a large bank. Employees in the field
call him when they have problems with their computers.
One night he got a call from a woman in one of the
branch banks who had this question: "I've got smoke
coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have
a fire downtown?"

Listen about that guy who was pulled over for running a
stop sign.  When the cop checked the man's driver's license,
he said, "You're wearing glasses on your ID and you're not 
now.  I'm going to have to give you a ticket for that."  The guy 
said, "Officer, I have *contacts*."  The cop said, "Look, buddy, 
I don't care *who* you know -- I'm giving you a ticket."