"When you prayed for victory you have prayed for many unmentioned
  results which follow victory.... [God] commandeth me to put it into
  words.  Listen!

  ".... O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody
  shreds with our shells... help us to drown the thunder of the
  guns with the shrieks of the wounded, writhing in pain; help us to
  lay waste their homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring
  the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help
  us to turn them out roofless with their little children to wander
  unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and
  thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter,
  broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge
  of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord,
  blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage,
  make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the
  white snow with the blood of their wounded feet!  We ask it, in the
  spirit of love, of Him who is the Source of Love, and Who is the 
  ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and
  seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts.  Amen."

      --Mark Twain (Samuel L. Clemens) 1835-1910; "The War Prayer,"
        from _Europe and Elsewhere_

"Hey diddle diddle the cat and the fiddle but the cow has failed on it's first
 attempt at the moon landing!!... that's one small step for a cow, one giant
 leap for the beef industry..."
                        -- Flacco, DAAS Kapital

   On the inside of a toilet door:
   Patrons are requested to remain seated throughout the entire
   performance.


  

There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure.
                                             
--- Jack E. Leonard

   Everybody pisses on the floor. Be a hero and shit on the ceiling.