The nice thing about being senile is -- your always meeting new people.

He is so polite, he wouldn't open an oyster without
knocking on the shell first.

"I either want less corruption, or more chance to participate in it." 
 -- Ashleigh Brilliant 

I saw on this nature show how the male elk douses himself with
       urine to smell sweeter to the opposite sex. What a coincidence!

"... no, Chris makes me think safe thoughts. ****** makes me think disgusting
 thoughts..."
                        -- Quanita Laattoe (Censored to protect the
                                            not-so-innocent, not any more
                                            anyway =))