One day at the end of class little Billy's teacher has the class go
   home and think of a story to tell, and then conclude the moral of that
   story.
   
   The following day when the teacher asks for the first volunteer to
   tell their story, little Suzy raises her hand.
   
   "My dad owns a farm and every Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the
   truck and drive into town to sell them at the market. Well, one Sunday
   we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and onto the
   road." The teacher asks for the moral of the story. Suzy replies,
   "Don't keep all your eggs in one basket."
   
   Next is little Lucy. "Well my dad owns a farm too and every weekend we
   take the chicken eggs and put them in the incubator. Last weekend only
   8 of the 12 eggs hatched." The teacher asks for the moral of the
   story. Lucy replies, "Don't count your chickens before they're
   hatched."
   
   Last is little Billy. "My uncle Ted fought in the Vietnam war; his
   plane was shot down over enemy territory. He jumped out before it
   crashed with only a case of beer, a machine gun and a machete. On the
   way down he drank the case of beer. Unfortunately, he landed right in
   the middle of 100 Vietnamese soldiers. He shot 70 with his machine
   gun, but ran out of bullets, so he pulled out his machete and killed
   20 more. The blade on his machete broke, so he killed the last ten
   with his bare hands."
   
   Teacher looks in shock at Billy and asks if there is possibly any
   moral to his story.
   
   Billy replies, "Don't fuck with uncle Ted when he's been drinking."
   

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow
that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged,
models deposed and dry cleaners depressed? Laundry workers could decrease,
eventually becoming depressed and depleted! Even more, bedmakers will
be debunked, baseball players will be debased, landscapers will be
deflowered, bulldozer operators will be degraded, organ donors will be 
delivered, software engineers will be detested, the BVD company will be
debriefed, and even musical composers will eventually decompose. And on 
a more positive note, perhaps we can hope politicians will be devoted. 

                       Bill Clinton Statue Committee
                                      
                             1040 Waffle Street
                                      
                        Little Rock, Arkansas 72208
                                      
Dear Friend;

We have the distinguished honor of being on the committee for the raising
of $5,000,000.00 for placing a statue of Bill Clinton in the Hall of Fame
in Washington, D.C.

This committee was in a quandary as to where to place the statue.  It was
not wise to place it beside the statue of George Washington, who never
told a lie, nor beside Jesse Jackson, who never told the truth, since
Bill Clinton could never tell the difference.

We finally decided to place it beside Christopher Columbus, the greatest
democrat of all.  He left not knowing where he was going, did not know
where he was, and returned not knowing where he had been.  And he did it
all on borrowed money.

Over 3,000 years ago Moses said to the children of Israel, "Pick up your
shovels, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the promised
land."  Nearly 3,000 years later Roosevelt said, "Lay down your shovels,
sit on your asses and light up a camel - this is the promised land."

Now, Bill Clinton is going to steal your shovels, kick your asses, raise
the price of camels and mortgage the promised land.  If you are one of the
fortunate people who has anything left after paying taxes, we expect a
very generous contribution to the worthwhile project.

Fraternally,



Bill Clinton Statue Committee


P.S. It is said that BIll Clinton is considering changing the Democratic
     Party emblem from a donkey to a condom, because it stands for
     inflation, halts productivity, covers up a bunch of pricks, and it
     gives a false sense of security.
  

I must take every precaution not to get pregnant," said Edna to Priscilla. 
"But I thought you said your hubby had a vasectomy," Priscilla responded. 
"He did. That's why I have to take every precaution." 

John: I got this great new hearing aid the other day.

Mary: Are you wearing it now?

John: Yup. Cost me four thousand dollars, though. But it's top 
of the line.

Mary: What kind is it?

John: Twelve-thirty.