A man and a woman are driving along when they see a wounded skunk on
   the side of the road. They stop, the woman gets out, picks it up, and
   brings it into the car.
   
   She says, "Look, its shivering, it must be cold. What should I do?"
   
   He says, "Put it between your legs."
   
   She says, "What about the smell?"
   
   He says, "Hold its nose."
   

Confucious say: "Man who goes to sleep 
with sex on mind wakes up with solution 
in hand."

John receives a phone call. "Hello," he answers. The voice
on the ot other end says, "This is Susan. We met a party
about 3 months ago."
John: "Hmm... Susan? about 3 months ago?"
Susan: "Yes, it was at Bill's house. After the party you took
me home. On the way we parked and got into the back seat. You
told me I was a good sport."
John: "Oh, yeah! Susan! How are you?"
Susan: "I'm pregnant and I'm going to kill myself."
John: "Say, you ARE a good sport."

What do Ethiopians and Yoko Ono have in common?

They both live off dead Beatles.

The McCartney kids are at the family ranch anxiously
awaiting news of their mother. 
Paul emerges from his wife's bedroom. 
"Kid's......there's good news and bad news." 
"The bad news is your mother's strength and will to
live has been sucked away by her awful disease and she
died a few moments ago" 
"The good news is.... It's steak and chips for dinner!"