A drunk staggered into a cemetery and fell into a freshly dug grave.
Pretty soon a second drunk staggered by. "Get me out of here", said the 
one in the grave, "I'm cold". The other one looked over the edge and said, 
"No wonder you're cold, you poor guy. You don't have any dirt on you".

Appear to Work Late. Always leave the office late,
especially when the boss is still around. You could read
magazines and storybooks that you always wanted to read but
have no time until late before leaving. Make sure you walk
past the boss' room on your way out. Send important emails
at unearthly hours (e.g. 9:35pm, 7:05am, etc...) and during
public holidays.

Whats the difference between a blond and a Mosquito?

The mosquito stops sucking after you slap it.

Sent by Chris

There was a young Scotsman called Andy,
Who knocked over his bottle of Shandy.
He lifted his kilt,
To wipe up what he spilt,
And the barmaid said, "Blimey! That's handy!" 

A fellow in a bar notices a woman, always alone, who comes in on a
fairly regular basis. 

After the second week, he made his move. "No thank you," she said
politely." 

"This may sound rather odd in this day and age, but I'm keeping
myself pure until I meet the man I love." 

"That must be rather difficult," the man replied. 

"Oh, I don't mind too much," she said. "But, it has my husband
pretty upset."