A Contender for the Darwin Awards 

(Courtesy of the Japan Times -April 16, 1997) 

"The government must crack down on this disgusting craze of Pumping", a 
spokesman for the Nakhon Ratchasima hospital told reporters. "If this 
perversion catches on, it will destroy the cream of Thailand's manhood." 

He was speaking after the remains of 13 year-old Charnchai Puanmuangpak 
had been rushed into the hospital's emergency room. "Most 'Pumpers' use a 
standard bicycle pump," he explained, inserting the nozzle far up their 
rectum, giving themselves a rush of air, creating a momentary high. This 
act is a sin against God." 

Charnchai took it further still. He started using a two-cylinder foot 
pump, but even that wasn't exciting enough for him, and he boasted to 
friends that he was going to try the compressed air hose at a nearby 
gasoline station. They dared him to do it so, under cover of darkness, he 
snuck in. Not realizing how powerful the machine was, he inserted the tube 
deep into his rectum, and placed a coin in the slot. As a result, he died 
virtually instantly, but passers by are still in shock. One woman thought 
she was watching a twilight firework display, and started clapping. 

"We still haven't located all of him.", say the police authorities. "When 
that quantity of air interacted with the gas in his system, he nearly 
exploded. It was like an atom bomb went off or something." 

"Pumping is the devil's pastime, and we must all say no to satan," the 
spokesman for the Nakhon Ratchasima hospital concluded. "Inflate your 
tires by all means, but then hide your bicycle pump where it cannot tempt 
you."

Illinois State University - As a woman was crossing the stage to accept 
her diploma at a commencement ceremony, something unusual and tragic 
happened. The woman's grandfather fell over, suffering from a heart 
attack. A few minutes later as she was leaving the platform, her 
grandmother had one as well. Consequently, the student notified
reporters that she will not be seeking her master's degree.

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