"...My husband and I are getting a divorce because of 
religious differences. I'm Methodist and he's Satan."

Beginning next year, Santa Clara County's jails will ban 
cigarettes, stop handing out sugar and begin charging for 
coffee. Prison officials are also contemplating a complete end 
to bed turn-down / chocolate mint service and expect to slash 
the concierge's hours in half.

In Kentucky, a woman complained of a purple discharge from her 
vagina. She thought it might have something to do with the diaphragm 
that her doctor had recently given her. 
"I followed all the instructions to the letter," she told her doctor, 
"and used it with the jelly." 
When asked which kind of jelly she had used, she replied "Grape."