"Living your life is a task so difficult, it has never been attempted before."
                        -- fortune

Jesus is coming, everyone look busy.

"What do most people do on a date?"
"On the first date, they just tell each other lies,  and that usually gets
 them interested enough to go for a second date."
                        -- Response by Mike, Age 10

Seems to me the basic conflict between men and women,
sexually, is that men are like firemen. To men, sex
is an emergency, and no matter what we're doing we can
be ready in two minutes. Women, on the other hand, are
like fire. They're very excited, but the conditions have
to be exactly right for it to occur. 

    - Jerry Seinfeld 

   Here's one seen above a urinal:
   look up
   look up
   [even higher on the wall]
   keep looking up
   [on the ceiling]
   Quick! Look down! You're pissing on your shoes!