There was a young singer named Springer, 
               Got his testicles caught in a wringer. 
                    He hollered in pain 
                    As they rolled down the drain, 
               (falsetto): "There goes my career as a singer!" 

There was a young miss from Johore 
               Who'd lie on a mat on the floor; 
                    In a manner uncanny 
                    She'd wobble her fanny, 
               And drain your nuts dry to the core. 

               There was an old soldier named Schmitt 
               Took a trip to the can for to shit. 
                    To his epic despair 
                    No paper was there. 
               So he simply continued to sit. 

There was a young man from Nantasket
Who screwed a dead whore in a casket.
He allowed 'twas no vice,
But thought it was nice,
For she needed no money, nor'd ask it.

            Thank God for the Duchess of Gloucester, 
            She obliges all who accost her. 
                She welcomes the prick 
                Of Tom, Harry, or Dick, 
            Or Baldwin, or even Lord Astor.