An indolent vicar of Bray 
            Kept his wife in the family way, 
                Till she grew more alert, 
                Bought a vaginal squirt, 
            And said to her spuose, "Let us spray!" 

There was a young lady named Peaches 
               Who frequented the very best beaches. 
                    She refused the lifeguard, 
                    Though he breast-stroked her hard--- 
               She preferred to be sucked off by leeches. 

Part 1 of 3
There were three young ladies of Birmingham,
And this is the scandal concerning 'em.
They lifted the frock
And tickled the cock
Of the Bishop engaged in confirming 'em.

               "Last night," said a lassie named Ruth, 
               "In a long-distance telephone booth, 
                    I enjoyed the perfection 
                    Of an ideal connection--- 
               I was screwed, if you must know the truth." 

There was a young man from St. Paul
Whose cock was exceedingly small.
Now it might do for a keyhole
Or a little girl's peehole.
But for a big girl like me, not at all.