There's a guy from ARMY driving from West Point to the Meadowlands, a guy from the NAVY was 
driving from Annapolis to the Meadowlands, and an Air Force guy who's driving from McGwire in 
South Jerz to the Meadowlands just to watch the Jets. 

In the middle of the night with no other cars on the road they hit each other and all cars go 
flying off in different directions. The squid manages to climb out of his car and survey the 
damage. He looks at his twisted car and says, "Man, I am really lucky to be alive!" Likewise 
the ARMY guy scrambles out of his car and looks at his wreckage. The Air Force guy just shakes 
his head and says to himself, "I can't believe I survived this wreck!" 

The NAVY guy walks over to the ARMY and Air Force guys and says, "Hey guys, I think this is a 
sign from God that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of 
arch rivals." The ARMY guy thinks for a moment and says, "You know, you're absolutely right! 
We should be friends."

The Air Force guy says "Let me see what else survived this wreck." So he pops open his trunk 
and finds a full unopened bottle of Jack Daniels.

He says to the NAVY and Army guys, "I think this is another sign from God that we should toast 
to our new found understanding and friendship." The Swabbie says, "You're right!" and he grabs 
the bottle and starts sucking down Jack Daniels. After putting away nearly a third of the 
bottle the Squid hands it to the ARMY guy and says, "Your turn! The ARMY guy sucks down a third
and hands the bottle back to the Air Force guy. 

The Air Force guy puts the cap back on the bottle and says, "I think I'll wait for the cops to 
show up." 

How did the Burger King get the Dairy Queen pregnant? 

     He forgot to wrap his whopper. 

Late one Friday night the policeman spotted a man driving 
very erratically through the streets of Dublin. They pulled 
the man over and asked him if he had been drinking that 
evening.

"Aye, so I have. 'Tis Friday, you know, so me and the lads 
stopped by the pub where I had six or seven pints. And then 
there was something called "Happy Hour" and they served these 
mar-gar-itos which are quite good. I had four or five o' 
those. Then I had to drive me friend Mike home and O' course I 
had to go in for a couple of Guiness - couldn't be rude, ye 
know. Then I stopped on the way home to get another bottle for 
later .." And the man fumbled around in his coat until he 
located his bottle of whiskey, which he held up for 
inspection.

The officer sighed, and said, "Sir, I'm afraid I'll need you 
to step out of the car and take a breathalyzer test."

Indignantly, the man said, "Why? Don't ye believe me?!?"

What's the best thing about a blow job? 

- The 15 minutes of silence! 

A MAN'S SCHEDULE 
1. Get up. 
2. Pass gas. 
3. Drink cup of black coffee. 
4. Pass gas. 
5. Dress, skipping shower because "alarm didn't work". 
6. Pass gas. 
7. Log on to computer to check porn site before leaving for 
work. Pass gas while "enjoying" favorite site. 
6. Drive to work. Pass gas at stop light. Open window to air out 
car. 
7. Get to work at MacDonalds. Pass gas in bathroom (for all 
patrons to enjoy). Forget to wash hands. 
8. Lunch. Double cheesy cheeseburger and supersized fries. 
Pass gas. 
9. Arrive home. Pass gas. Have a beer. Pass gas. 
10. Tell wife you want sex. Belch. Finish early, belch and fall 
asleep. 
11. Get up at 3 A.M. waking wife but instead of finishing her 
off, return to computer to talk in the chat rooms - imagining 
what a stud you are, chatting with all those "gorgeous women" 
online. Pass gas.