How do I know anything really exists?

Kick it *really* hard.

What do you call a man that marries another man?

A minister

A stuffy matron is with a new man in a top restaurant. The onion soup gets
to her, and as the waiter is serving the main dishes she lets loose a
bombastic fart. Trying to save face, she says to the waiter:
"Sir! Please stop that immediately."
"Certainly, madame," replies the waiter with a bow, "which way was it 
headed?"

Here's a lame one....

What is Homer Simpson's favorite ice cream?

Chocolate-chip cookie DOH!

The doctor looked at the woman who had come to him for an examination. 

"Mrs. Brown, I have some good news for you." 

The woman said, "I'm glad to hear that doctor, but I'm Miss Brown, not 
Mrs." 

"Oh. Well, in that case Miss Brown," said the doctor without changing 
expression, "I have some bad news for you."