A young girl sees her father in the shower and asks what his 
testicles are.  "Those are the Apples of the Tree of Life," he 
tells her, by way of poetic concealment.

She tells this to her mother, who replies, "Did he say anything 
about that dead branch they're hanging on?"

Visiting a lawyer for advice, the wife said, "I want you to help me get a 
divorce. The Lawyer says OK, what are your grounds. My husband is getting 
a little queer to sleep with." "What do you mean?" asked the attorney. 
"Does he force you to indulge in unusual sex practices?" "No," replied the 
woman, "and neither does the little queer."

Q: Did you hear about the dyslectic agnostic with insomnia?
A: He used to lay awake at night wondering if there really was a dog.

One Friday afternoon two women are sitting on the front porch. 

The first woman says, "Here comes my husband with a bunch of flowers.
That means I'll be on my back with my legs in the air all weekend." 

The other woman asks, "Why, don't you have a vase?" 

How to Catch a White Elephant
                   =============================
                 Submitted By Niels Kristian Jensen

Go to an place where there are white elephants.  Bring with you a
muffin (with raisins).  Climb a tree.  When the white elephant is close,
drop the muffin (with raisins) in front of it.  The white elephant will
be happy, and eat the muffin (with raisins).  White elephants like
muffins (with raisins).  Repeat this procedure for five days in a row.

After the fifth day, the white elephant will be used to its daily muffin
(with rasins).  The sixth day you climb the tree, bring with you a muffin
without rasins.  Drop the muffin as usual.  When the white elephant finds
out that the muffin lacks raisins, it will darken in anger.

And then you catch it the same way as an ordinary grey elephant.