The three survivors of the shipwreck were being driven mad by hunger.

The Irishman, an expert navigator, told the others that if they could
row the lifeboat for three more days they could make landfall.

The Pole, the ship's doctor, said that they could not possibly last
that long, that there was only one solution to the problem and that
one of them would have to sacrifice themselves for the good of the others.

The Englishman, the captain, said that he quite understood and that he
would volunteer as he should have gone down with the ship anyway.

After saying an emotional farewell to his crewmen, the captain jumped
overboard and sank without trace.

An old man goes to the doctor and says "Dr., I don't know what's wrong
with me.  My dick is orange."
The  Dr. tells him to pull down his pants and let him take a look.  He
has no idea what is wrong so he asks the guy if he has recently painted
anything orange.
The old man said "No."
The Dr. thinks for a minute and then asks the guy if he has recently
been exposed to any chemicals at work.
The old man said "No, I'm retired."
The Dr. then asks the guy if he could have been working with any
chemicals in his garage.
The old man replied "No Dr., I told you, I'm retired.  All I do is sit
around all day, watch pornos and eat Cheetos...

The Doctor tells his patient that he has H-E-G-S
"What's that?", the patient asks.
"It's a combination of Herpes, Encephalitis, Gonorrhea and Syphyllis."
The patient wants to know if there's a cure, to which the Doctor responds,
"We have to keep you in a hospital room and feed you nothing but
pancackes."
"Why only pancackes?", asks the patient.
The Doctor answers, "They're the only thing that will fit under the door."

Q: How can you tell a blonde has been working on the 
computer?

A: There is white out on the screen

What's the worst part about getting a lung transplant?
The first couple of times you cough, its not your phlegm...