One night the Norse god Thor was feeling a bit horny so he decided to
   come down to earth
   to satisfy his needs. He picked up a good looking woman with a great
   shape and they went
   to her apartment she only had one small problem, she had a speech
   impediment, but this
   didn't affect their sex. They went at it hot and heavy all night long
   then in the morning
   Thor had to leave so he decided he should at least tell her his name,
   so he said to her, "I'm
   Mighty Thor and I have to leave now." She looked at him and said,
   "You're thore I'm tho
   thore I can hardly pith."
   

A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later: "Da-ad..." 
"What?" "I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?"
"No. You had your chance. Lights out."
Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad..." "WHAT?" "I'm THIRSTY...Can I have a 
drink of water??" "I told you NO! If you ask again I'll have to spank 
you!!"
Five minutes later... "Daaaa-aaaad..." "WHAT??!!" "When you come in to 
spank me, can you bring me a drink of water?" 

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Round of drinks: $23.00 
Table dance: $30.00 
Another round of drinks: $23.00 
Couch dance and tips: $50.00 
A round of shots: $34.00 
A Bottle of Dom and a Limo home: 125.00 
Private dance in your hotel room: $300.00 
Sending her on her way and never having to hear her complain: 
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Q. What's the brown stuff between the elephants toes ?
A. Slow natives.

How are lawyers like sperm? 

    One out of a million turns out to be a human being.