While attending a spelling session in school one day,
The teacher asked if anyone could spell the word DUMB?
Darla raises her hand and says "I can, I can"
The teacher replies, "OK, go ahead Darla..."
Darla replies..."D-U-M-B"
The teacher replies, "very good", and "can you use that word in a sentence?"
Darla replies, "Sure, Buckwheat is very DUMB."
The teacher replies, "OK, well can anyone spell the word STUPID?"
Again, Darla raises her hand, and the teacher replies, "OK, go ahead Darla."
Darla replies, "S-T-U-P-I-D"
The teacher replies "very good", and "can you use that word in a sentence?"
Darla replies, "Sure, Buckwheat is very STUPID."
The teacher replies, "OK, well lets continue,  can anyone spell the word DICTATE?"
No one raises their hand, so the teacher asks Buckwheat if he can spell
the word DICTATE?
Buckwheat replies, "Sure,    D-I-C-T-A-T-E"
The teacher replies, "very good Buckwheat," and "can you use that word
in a sentence?"
Buckwheat replies, "Sure I can."     
"I may be DUMB and I may be STUPID, but Darla says my DICTATE good."

There was a husband and his wife sitting next to a drunk in a 
bar. Suddenly the drunk stands up and yells, "ATTENTION 
ALL" and farts loudly. 

The wife is extremely embarrassed, and the husband looks at 
the drunk and says" Excuse me, you just farted before my 
wife." 

The drunks replies," I'm sorry I didn't know it was her turn."

How do you kill a circus?

Go for the juggler.

Mary was having an affair during the day while her husband,
John, was at work. One day she was in bed with her boyfriend,
Ralph, and she heard her husband's car pull in the driveway.
She yelled at Ralph: "Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out
the window my husband is home early!" Ralph looked out the
window and said: "I can't jump out the window! It's raining
like hell out there!" Mary cried: "If my husband catches us
in here, he will kill both of us!" So the boyfriend grabbed
his clothes and jumped out the window! When he landed outside
he found himself in the middle of a marathon race... so he
started running along side the others -- only he was still in
the nude, carrying his clothes on his arm. 

One of the runners asked him, "Do you always run in the nude?" 
Ralph answered, while gasping for air: "Oh yes, It feels so
free having the air blow over your skin while you are running." 

The other runner then asked the nude man: "Do you always run
carrying your clothes on your arm?" 

Ralph answered breathlessly: "Oh yes, that way I can get dressed
at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!" 

The runner then asked: "Do you always wear a condom when you run?" 

Ralph answered, "Only if it's raining." 

The limousine was taking the beautiful raven-haired model to the airport.
Halfway there, the front tire went flat.  The model said, "Driver, I don't 
have time to wait for road service.  Can you change it yourself?"  
The driver said, "Sure."  He got out of the car and proceeded to change 
the tire, but couldn't get the wheel cover off.  The model saw him 
struggling and asked, "Do you want a screwdriver?"  
He said "Sure! But, first I have to change this tire."