Patient: (to cosmetic-surgeon) 'Will it hurt, doctor?
Surgeon: 'Only when you get my bill, Mrs Brown'.

It seems that Abe and Morey, two salesmen for an advertising agency,
were traveling together through the midwest, when they were caught
between towns during a driving snow storm.
The further they went, the worse conditions got, and they finally
slid off into a ditch. Fortunately there was a house quite nearby.
They waded through the drifts to the house, and after a short
conversation with the lady who answered the door, they were able to
convince her that they were no danger to her, and she let them come in.
She prepared a meal for them, and during the conversation Abe and
Morey learned that she was a widow of a few years standing.
Conditions continued to deteriorate, and she prepared the guest room
for Abe and Morey.
The next day about 10:00 AM, a snowplow came through and helpfully
pulled the salesmen's car our of the ditch, after cleaning the road.
Abe and Morey thanked th widow Brown and went on their rounds.
Nine months later, Abe called Morey, and asked if Morey had, by some
chance, happened to have drifted down the hall to the wodow Brown's
bedroom after he (Abe) had gone to sleep. After a little hemming and
hawing, Morey admitted he had. With a little further prodding, he
admitted that he had given the good lady Abe's name, address and phone
number as his own.
Where upon Abe said, "That explains this letter from her lawyer saying
she has left her entire estate to me!" 

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.
Teach him how to fish and he will sit
in a boat and drink beer all day. 

A very well-built young lady was lying on her psychiatrist's 
couch, telling him how frustrated she was. "I tried to be an 
actress and failed," she complained. "I tried to be a secretary 
and failed; I tried being a writer and failed; then I tried being a 
sales clerk and I failed at that, too."

The shrink thought for a moment and said... "Everyone needs 
to live a full, satisfying life. Why don't you try nursing?"

The girl thinks about this, then bares one of her large, beautiful 
breasts, points it at the shrink, and says... "Well go ahead, I'll 
give it a try!"

One of my first evenings back from overseas, my girl's understanding 
parents left us alone in the living room. 
Naturally, we did not talk all the time. In the midst of a kiss, I noticed 
her little sister in her nightgown watching us from the doorway.
"If you will be a good girl and go to bed, I will give you a quarter," I 
said to her.
Without taking the bribe or saying a word, she ran off but soon was back 
again.
"Here is a dollar," she said. "I wanna watch."