With the divorce rate so high in America, a new organization has been
   formed called "Marriage Anonymous." Whenever a guy feels like getting
   married, they send over a woman with crulers in her hair, cream on her
   face and wearing a torn housecoat to nag him out of it.

Two bikers were talking at a bar.
"How's married life?" asks the first.
"It's fine," says the second.
"How's the sex?" asks the first.
"Fine," says the second, "At least I don't have to wait in line!"

Q. What's worse than finding a worm in the apple you're eating?

A. Finding half a worm.

A kid goes up to his father and says, "Hey, Pop, know how old I am today?"
His father says, "No...how old?"
He says, "I'm eleven!"
He goes into the kitchen and says to his grandmother, "Hey, Grandma, know
how old I am today?"
She says, "Come closer..."
She unzips his jeans and reaches her thin, spotted arm down into his
underwear. She fondles his genitals for a few minutes and then she says,
"You're eleven."
He says, "How could you tell?"
She says, "I heard you tell your father."

What's the difference between Love, True Love and showing off? 

     Spit, swallow and gargle.