A WOMAN'S SCHEDULE
1. Get up. 
2. Pee. 
3. Drink raspberry-cranberry tea. 
4. Pee. 
5. Apply makeup. Pee first so you don't have to stop in the 
middle. 
6. Drive to work. Pee at gas station. Complain about dirty 
restroom. Go to a different gas station and pee there. 
7. Get to work at Burger King. Pee. Wash hands. 
8. Lunch. Slimfast. Pee. 
9. Arrive home. Pee. Shower. Pee. 
10. Promise sex to husband. Pee. Get up in the middle of sex 
and pee. 
11. Pee. Go to bed. Get up at 3 A.M. waking husband but 
instead of giving him head, go and pee.

Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder to "instruction manuals

   A journalist had done a story on gender roles in Kuwait several years
   before the Gulf War, and she noted then that women customarily walked
   about 10 feet behind their husbands.
   
   She returned to Kuwait recently and observed that the men now walked
   several yards behind their wives.
   
   She approached one of the women for an explanation. "This is
   marvelous," said the journalist. "What enabled women here to achieve
   this reversal of roles?"
   
   Replied the Kuwaiti woman: "Land mines"
   

   A guy was sitting at the Super Bowl in the very best seat available.
   
   The guy on his left noticed there was an empty seat next to him and
   said, "Can you believe someone actually paid for that seat and didn't
   come to the game?"
   
   The fellow next to him replied, "Actually that's my wife's seat...we
   bought these tickets months ago. Unfortunately, my wife passed away so
   I came alone."
   
   "I'm sorry to hear that, but why didn't you give the ticket to a
   family member or friend?"
   
   "Oh, they're all at the funeral."
   

What is the difference between a wicker basket and a wicker box?

A wicker basket is what little red riding hood took to grandma's house.
A wicker box is what Elmer Fudd did to little red riding hood.