Overheard on the elevator: 

    "Their marriage was going O.K. until they bought a water bed... then they started
    drifting apart." 

IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD

I live in a semi-rural area.  We recently had a new neighbor
call the local township administrative office to request the
removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road.
The reason: Too many deer were hit by cars and he no longer
wanted them to cross there.

When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick
up our car, we were told that the keys had been accidentally
locked in it.  We went to the service department and found amechanic 
working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door.  As I
watched from the passenger's side, I instinctively tried the door
handle and discovered it was open. "Hey," I announced to the
technician,"it's open." The young man answered, "I already got that side."