Super Granny - Defender Of Justice

An elderly lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car,
she found four males in the act of leaving with her car! She
dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun,preceded to scream
at them at the top of her voice, "I have a gun and I know how to
use it! Get out of the car, you scumbags!"
The four men didn't wait for a second invitation but got out and
ran like mad, where upon the lady, somewhat shaken, proceeded to
load her shopping bags in the back of the car and went back and
got into the driver's seat.
She was so shaken up that she couldn't get her key into the
ignition. She tried and tried and then it dawned on her why!
A few minutes later she found her own car parked four or five
spaces further down. She loaded her bags into her car and drove
to the police station.
The sergeant to whom she told the story nearly tore himself in
two with laughter and pointed to the other end of the counter,
where four pale white males were reporting a car jacking by a mad
elderly woman described as white, less than 5 feet tall, glasses,
and curly white hair carrying a large handgun.
No charges were filed.

PORTLAND, OR - A man was admitted to an emergency clinic with severe
bruising and lacerations on his penis and testicles, caused in an accident
involving a hand held vacuum cleaner. The man had been vacuuming, wearing
only a bathrobe, when he tripped, having been distracted because his robe
fell open. "It always does that," he said. "I keep meaning to rig up some
kind of tie for it, but I never do. I guess I'll get around to it now." He
fell on the vacuum and the small beater bar of the device caused enough
damage to require fifteen stitches and an overnight stay at the clinic.

I've just got some awful news.

A friend of mine is in danger of losing his license
to practice medicine. He's being accused of having
sex with some of his patients.

It's such a stupid waste! He was the best veterinarian in town.