[Hickory Daily Record, 12-21-92]
Ken Charles Barger, 47, accidentally shot himself to death in December in
Newton, N.C., when, awakening to the sound of a ringing telephone beside
his bed, he reached for the phone but grabbed instead a Smith & Wesson
.38 Special, which discharged when he drew it to his ear.

IN WAKE OF JONES DISMISSAL, A NEW FOCUS FOR STARR 

WASHINGTON, April 1 (Associated Press)--In the wake of the dismissal of the Paula Jones 
sexual-harassment lawsuit, Independent Counsel Kenneth Starr is focusing his investigation 
on allegations that President Clinton and members of the White House staff regularly drink 
red wine with fish, according to sources close to the investigation. 

The latest allegations arise out of confidential results of tests performed by the FBI Crime 
lab on a dress seized during a search of the Watergate apartment of former White House intern
Monica S. Lewinsky, the sources added. 

After weeks of conflicting reports about the test results, the sources confirmed that they 
"definitely indicate" the presence of tannins "consistent with full-bodied domestic red wines
such as Merlot or Zinfandel." 

If confirmed, the results would contradict earlier White House reports that any red wine
consumed with fish by staffers was "a light Beaujolais Nouveau," a wine some legal experts 
had considered acceptable with steakier fish such as wasabi-crust charcoal-grilled yellow-fin 
tuna. 

"Of course these are only allegations," Sen. John Ashcroft, R-Mo., said in reaction to 
published reports about the course of Starr's investigation. "They are, however, extremely 
serious. I suggest that the President tell the American people the facts, and then step down 
and report to Allenwood Penitentiary until the matter can be fully resolved with the
inauguration of a Republican president." 

White House press secretary Mike McCurry refused comment on the investigation, and privately 
White House staffers dismissed the possibility that the new charges could lead to impeachment 
proceedings. Republican staffers on Capitol Hill, however, insisted that the charges have the 
potential to breathe new life into both the impeachment drive and the independent counsel's 
flagging investigation. 

"We're not talking about some cheesy savings & loan fraud here," one Congressional veteran 
noted. "These charges go to the heart of our foreign policy. Imagine what this will do to 
relations with Britain and France." University of Illinois Law Professor Ronald Rotunda, a 
consultant to Starr's office, said that the legal questions would focus on the appropriateness 
of the specific varietal grape. In addition, he noted that the report of tannins suggested that
"the President has been drinking wine before its time, a statutory offense in California."
Rotunda added that the probe is complicated by allegations of a cover-up. "What did the 
President drink and when did he drink it? And why has the White House resisted disclosure for 
so long?" 

Starr's office had no official comment on the reports today. But sources close to the 
prosecutor confirmed that he had subpoenaed White House wine steward Jacques Clouzeau, 
ordering him to produce records of wines consumed and corresponding menus. 

Today's WASHINGTON POST reported that the White House has told the prosecutor's office that 
some of the menus cannot be found. The missing records apparently relate to wine consumed by 
the First Lady Hillary Clinton. 

On a British Airways flight from Johannesburg, a middle-aged, 
well-off white South African lady has found herself sitting next 
to a black man. She called the cabin crew attendant over to 
complain about her seating.

"What seems to be the problem, Madam?" asked the 
attendant.

"Can't you see?" she said, "You've sat me next to a kafir. I 
can't possibly sit next to this disgusting human. Find me 
another seat!"

"Please calm down, Madam." the stewardess replied. "The 
flight is very full today, but I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll 
go and check to see if we have any seats available in club or 
first class".

The woman cocks a snooty look at the outraged black man 
beside her (not to mention many of the surrounding 
passengers). A few minutes later the stewardess returns with 
the good news, which she delivers to the lady, who cannot help 
but look at the people around her with a smug and 
self-satisfied grin.

"Madam, unfortunately, as I suspected, economy is full. I've 
spoken to the cabin services director, and club is also full. 
However, we do have one seat in first class".

Before the lady has a chance to answer, the stewardess 
continues: "It is most extraordinary to make this kind of 
upgrade, however, and I have had to get special permission 
from the captain. But, given the circumstances, the captain felt 
that it was outrageous that someone should be forced to sit 
next such an obnoxious person."

With that, she turned to the black man and said: "So if you'd 
like to get your things, sir, I have your seat ready for you..."

At which point, the surrounding passengers stood and gave a 
standing ovation while the man walked to the front of the 
plane . . .