There once was a lady from Pinner
Whose boyfriend wanked on her dinner
She said if you please
I don't mind some cream teas
But I like my white sauce a bit thinner 

There was a young lady named Rose
With erogenous zones in her toes.
        She remained onanistic
        Till a foot-fetishistic
Young man became one of her beaux.

There was an old maid in Van Nuys 
               Who went crazy from making mud pies. 
                    She would fill them with farts 
                    And pickled beef-hearts, 
               And bake them between her fierce thighs. 

There was a young fellow named Bowen 
            Whose pecker kept growin' and growin'. 
                It grew so tremendous, 
                So long and so pendulous, 
            'Twas no good for fuckin'---just showin'. 

An agreeable girl named Miss Doves
Likes to jack off the young men she loves.
She will use her bare fist
If the fellows insist
But she really prefers to wear gloves.